desperately in need of

..... a hit

technically i shouldn't be writing this.
i don't have a sense of humour.
i don't know any fancy words.
but i am.
i know i am unlike me today but what i ate today was very different from what i eat everyday.
so i am hereby acquitted from all those false charges against me.

i was calm today.
but then i wanted to shoot some people.
i consoled myself.
so i am again.
but then the emptiness sets in. you die you become mud.
i watch 'everybody hurts' kaa video.. i don't like it.. i start hating hope (fuck grammer)

the end by doors.. the first few notes.. i hear pure emotions.. cannot place them.. maybe its insanity.. maybe pain.. if am allowed to say this its bittersweet..


i need something to balance me out.
i feel so hollow and empty.
i think i cannot come up with anyother word right now.
now i call it quits.